There’s the golden rule and then there’s the platinum rule. The golden rule tells us to treat others how we want to be treated.
But the platinum rule says we should treat others how they want to be treated. This is the secret to a great sex life.
Knowing how to be good in bed takes a combination of adventure, empathy, and openness. If you’re looking for ways to improve your sex life, throw away your inhibitions and try out these easy tips.
How to Be Good in Bed
Sex has many purposes. You might be great in bed when using sex as a way to bond with your partner and terrible in bed when you’re trying to conceive.
The first step to being better in bed is loosening up. Too many thoughts, goals, ulterior motives, and other unhealthy emotions take away the pleasure from both parties.
Sex is often overlooked as a way to make an emotional and spiritual connection with another person. But when you’re that close to someone else, it’s impossible not to pick up on their feelings or energy.
Your partner might notice that you seem to be going through your to-do list for the day instead of focusing on pleasure. When you focus on your partner’s pleasure or your own you maximize your ability to be open.
That said, here are some ways to create a better sex life.
Skip the Staging
If you’re already a little shy in bed, the last thing you want to raise the stakes by putting the spotlight on your performance. Allow the mood to flow naturally.
You might find that some of your best moves happen spontaneously. Ease into trying new positions or techniques.
The first step is to get comfortable with your body so you know which sensations bring you the most pleasure. Ask your partner to do the same and share details so you can learn more about each other’s needs.
Too much planning can make your sex life feel like it’s being graded. There’s no right or wrong way to try new things, but you can add performance anxiety by overthinking your every move.
If you find it difficult to get in the mood naturally, consider libido enhancing medication.
Kiss First
Foreplay is a must when looking for ways to be better in bed. Kissing is the easiest way to show your partner you’re in the mood.
If it’s been a while since you’ve had sex, kissing is a pleasant surprise for your partner that helps them find your rhythm again. Deep, passionate kisses are most likely to turn your partner on the most.
Experiment with kissing your partner in their erogenous zones. These are the areas they’ve shared as their ‘hot spots.’
Kissing releases dopamine in the brain. Try tracing your partner’s lips with your tongue and softy biting their bottom lip. The key to this action is being gentle.
Drooling over your partner’s lips is more likely to be a turnoff than a turn on.
Educate Yourself
One way to find out how your partner wants to be touched is to share a masturbation session. You can watch each other as you both pleasure yourselves to learn the best techniques.
This exercise encourages vulnerability which can bring you both closer. Masturbation also comes with the added benefit of improving your mood and relieving pent up stress.
Try wearing a masturbation toy that your partner controls using a remote. While you’re out on the town, your partner gets to control your pleasure whenever he wants to use the remote control.
It’s a fun way to start the foreplay session early in the evening. By the time you finally make it to bed, there will be a major buildup of passion for both of you.
Listen
In the heat of the moment, you’ll need to be completely in tune with your partner’s responses to each position. This helps you focus your energies on amplifying their pleasure centers.
Try variations of the position creating the most response. Be open to exploring but avoid reinventing the wheel. If your experimentation yields no reaction, go back to tried and true methods of pleasuring your partner.
The worst thing you can do is try to force a position to work just because it ‘seems’ adventurous. When you’re learning how to be good in bed, you’re finding ways to become a better listener.
It’s not just the sounds your partner makes, but also their muscle reaction to your movements. This takes practice especially when you’re caught up in the passion of the moment.
Get Your Head in the Game
There’s no magic bullet that’ll bring your partner pleasure 100 percent of the time. When your partner is experiencing stress or distracted by work, it’ll be tough to keep their attention during sex.
Lower your expectations when you know you’re both not in the mood. You should either talk about your stressors to bring mental relief or postpone your playtime until you both have your head in the game.
Both options are a way to respect each other’s emotions. Mental health is a major barrier to sex that can leave both partners feeling a lack of confidence if intimacy is forced at the wrong moment.
The Road to a Better Sex Life
Your sexual desires evolve over time. Expect your partner’s needs to change with time as well.
Getting into a routine with the same positions is the fastest way to forgettable sex. If you’re in tune with your partner, you’ll notice changes in their reaction to your touch.
The key is listening and being open to change even if it means spending more time with foreplay. For more information and tips, visit our blog for updates.
